Brother Husbands

Today was a day of waiting. While waiting, I decided to drink a pot of coffee which sent my overactive brain into overload. Where do I start? Back up 36 hours, one of my renters called and said the AC is out. After hanging up the phone, my first reaction was to cry because I just replaced the HVAC in my home, the thought of buying another HVAC was wrenching. My entire beach budget for the summer would be gone. I had already called my new HVAC guy when I remembered I had a home warranty. Thank you Jesus! So I called the Warranty Company and the contractor had been contacted. Twenty-four hours pass, no word. I call the warranty company back to request a new contractor, while on hold this is what happens. A call comes in from the original contractor, at least that is who he said he was. I think he was lying because this had to be the guy that is hard to understand on Swamp People. I could not understand anything he said except I think I heard Friday. Hang up on him and back to on hold with Warranty Company. I know how this works. They want me to give up and just pay for any service myself. On this day, I have nothing but time. I put this call on speaker and try to figure out how I am going to entertain myself while I wait. I can't call anyone because this is my only phone. The caffeine has kicked in and away my thoughts go!!
I think about the Swamp talking guy and then jump to other crazy shows I have seen. Sister Wives is now on my mind. I admit, one rainy day I caught up on the entire season. It was a train wreck and I had to watch until all the debris was cleared. Could I be a sister wife? Let's see. I'd have to be the latest sister wife because she had her own house and didn't have to live with all of the other sister wives and their 15 kids. So what would be my contribution to the family? I could not be the one in charge of home schooling, no way, no how. I never saw a fast food place on the entire show so I definitely could not be assigned feeding all of these people. I do anything I can to not go to the grocery store, so shopping is out. Being in charge of the other sister wives is the most appealing job, but they most likely wouldn't take to kindly to that because from what I could tell that was the husband's job. This is obviously not the life for me. I will stick to what I have now.
Now, wait just a minute. Maybe I could have my own show and I would have brother husbands. I could be on to something here. Then it hit me and I started laughing hysterically. Girlfriend, you have been divorced for seven years and you haven't managed to remarry once. Why now do you think you are going to find three or maybe four men to sign up for this task? Well, here is why it may work. I wouldn't have to be so picky. I just needed to find men that possessed only one of the skills each that appeal to me. I would have to have a fix-it guy. You know the guy that knows what to do say when the dryer goes out. He has all of the right tools and in minutes the dryer is up and running again. He would have to be cute too, of course. That's it. Number one would have to be cute and be able to fix things. What would I need from number two? He would have to be good with bills, retirement accounts, balancing the check book, deciding if money needs to go into a cd, buy or not buy another rental property, in general the finance stuff. And he would have to be cute. Number two is finance guy and cute. Keep in mind, he doesn't have to fix anything, just make the money decisions. Number three would definitely need to know how to cook. He could prepare meals in advance(whick means grocery shop too). I mean I would like to have something to eat if it is Number One's night. And he has to be cute. Requirements set for number three, cook, shop and be cute. There would have to be four. Number four would be entertainment guy. He could carry on an intriguing conversation, be a great date; just a fun guy to be around, and cute too. I would be set. They could all room together and we would work out a visitation schedule. Since this is a PG site, I will skip the other tasks. Sitting back in my chair, I think if only. What could be so wrong with this plan? Then it hits me. I would have to shower praise on four different men. Girls, you know what I mean. Like when a guy changes a light bulb that you haven't changed simply because you couldn't reach it, not because you couldn't. You get the look. Then two days later you are reminded that he changed the light bulb. Yeah, you changed a light bulb, dude, you did not find a cure for cancer. Graffiti is not going to fall from the ceiling and balloons are not going to be released. It was a light bulb! Already feeling drained from just thinking about this, I think about what if the flu hits the man abode. I would have to take care of the four sickest men, on the planet, all at one time. The exaggerated coughs coming from four men would send any woman running and quickly deciding that my life is just the way it was meant to be. Rome was not built in a day and so it will take me more than a day (or seven years to be honest), to figure out this blessing called life.
As if on cue, a person is saying, "May I help you with a home problem?" I just smile and start explaining my very simple HVAC problem at a rental unit. If someone else wants to take the brother husband idea and run with it, be my guest.

Sleep sweet,
Michelle Perkins
Golden Girl